Forgetting

I will never forget……

  • 9-11 They say there are some events that when they happen you will never forget where you were……. I had just finished an exam at Old Library UWI- M. Sc Accounting Program.
  • First day on Campus- If I could walk home I would….. I have never felt so alone since that. Funny that I felt that way with so many people around. Good thing I didn’t know how to catch the bus from Kingston to home, neither did I know anyone who I could ask to take me home. Reminds me of a war adage “never look back, look back and you are dead”
  • First Heartbreak- How can your heart (if is it the heart) hurt so tangibly?  It heals with time though…. but each heartbreak gets progressively worst.
  • Common Entrance results 1989- I cried, I cried, I cried…..and they were not tears of joy.  The mind of a nine year old hardly knew that concept anyway, I didn’t want to leave everyone I knew behind…. who would I know now? Or perhaps that deluge expressed the confusion and distress of a single mom who didn’t know what to do.
  • First day at High School- I fainted!!!!!
  • First day in a High-Rise…..I saw the world from a totally different perspective and I loved it. I never miss an opportunity since that time to view time & space aerially….it’s just magnificent. The CN tower, the Eiffel Tower, The Calgary Tower…….scared as I was.
  • The Ackee Tree at home that would bear fruits looking like special pieces of art….it was my pleasure to pick them up and name each…. I found roosters, rabbits, pigs, squirrels, carrots,mangoes, tomatoes, rats even….Imagination- maybe. But that ackee tree was real.
  • My grandmother- I didn’t know her before her blindness but I remember her sitting/lying each day in our thatched-roof kitchen on her make-shift bed. That is where I was first introduced to RJR and ‘Sweet Hour of Prayer’. That was my first lesson in resilience, accepting the things you cannot change, and still having peace. She never complained or bemoaned her condition, she laughed more than ever. And don’t mention her keen sense of hearing… she I tell you, could literally hear when a ‘pin drop’.
  • That my mom never ‘controlled’ my destiny, I was always allowed to chart my course within boundaries. She lived for me, my interest was always above hers- even when what I wanted deprived or even hurt her, she did not interfere if in her mind it was all for good.  She taught me selflessness and independence.
  • That I didn’t miss my dad, until it was too late…… Until I realized I had to learn for myself- on my own, how to relate to men. That I didn’t miss him because no one else had their’s around, or even if they did they never were part of the equation.
  • June 1986- the first time I saw the effect of incessant rainfall- too much is just as bad as too little. Mother nature’s distress, an unbelievable inundation- people came from near and far as witnesses- others swam.
  • The first time I rode in/on a vehicle, Lloyd Ledgister’s blue van. I held on for dear life, (as if it didn’t, somehow I would fall out) I couldn’t stop laughing (to this day I don’t know why). I was moving at a pace I did not control- and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why the trees and buildings were moving too. It was definitely over too soon.
  • Saying goodbye to my mom on all occasions- and recognizing every time that we live so much of this life alone. Alone with the consequences, alone with thoughts, alone with our pain & pleasures, alone with our decisions……. unless we communicate them and even then, we are still alone.
  • Hurricane Ivan- mother nature again, in distress – didn’t realize until then that the wind could move me if it wanted to- or that I could stay wide awake for 24 hours. But what was I thinking? If it can uproot trees and remove roofs, then I am child’s play.
  • When advertising was unsophisticated- Do you remember the Grace Tomato Ketchup muppets? .. What about TV back then? The Huxtables…….. I got my first ‘beating’ because of them.
  • Playing  golf in my front yard with my cousins for a whole summer, I am still unaware of the rules of golf.
  • Pam & Patsy- I will never forget Patsy…. she would never forget to bring me a patty from Junction whenever she promised it to me, on her walk to work. And my God mother Pam, there was never a birthday nor Christmas when I didn’t get a card with cash. Be kind to a child today.
  • Two ‘friends’ who really showed me what unkindness meant………from that day forward I realized that I must always have food when I am hosting and that it takes nothing to stop and say hello…….and if you can’t stop then apologize after.
  • When I found myself, when I learnt to say no without feeling guilty, when I learnt that honesty without compassion is cruelty,  when I learnt to apologize, and when I learnt that Life is Unfair!!!!

 

 

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