I have celebrated two birthdays here now…….They seemed to come around fast too. I could easily say that’s because as we age, time goes faster. But I withhold that, because I know if we have something fearful to face or an upcoming anxious moment…waiting can be a real monster. Time goes at its own pace, it is not dictated by anything we do, want, or desire. Time is our master- that’s what my mom would say.
I didn’t celebrate ……..I am not ceremonial………when you grow up without getting birthday gifts or parties, your birthday has a different meaning. It doesn’t mean you dont acknowledge it, it just means you dont make a fuss about it. I try to do something special or important whenever I feel like it……whatever tickles my fancy at a particular moment. I love the freedom of choice. I especially appreciate the wisdom that the Giver of choice has. I however, always encourage all my peeps to enjoy their day- whichever way they choose…….days off, spas, parties and expensive gifts, make a fuss about it if you like. Differences are to be appreciated, not just tolerated.
I was never one to set mean goals and create big dreams. However, I always seem to know what I want- good and bad. I have started watching the Netflix series House of Cards…….yes I know I am a late bloomer. I prefer tried, tested and proven…..’Francis’ said something which hits me hard and it is that “The cost of stubbornness is greater than the cost of obedience” I know this is true because I have lived that. How many times have I relentlessly held out, only to renege later with greater sacrifice. Penny wise and pound foolish my grandmother used to say; whether it is about spending an extra buck for proper pyjamas, food, vehicles……… to listening to your parents, speaking the truth first, being humble in the first instance, practicing courage now, and sometimes even taking the first option (now this requires some skill-I believe). So as I age, my advice is to have dreams and set goals but be flexible- Proverbs 16 v 9 and yes, Francis too is right…..its cheaper to be obedient.
These days I find myself being way more patient, kind and tolerant………I listen better, get clarification, and give others space to breathe. I attribute this success to my avid bible studies. Yes the Bible is supposed to convict and transform…….I see that happening to me so much more often. I am working on this one ….Ecclesiastes 3 v 11, as I write.
I reflect and wonder where the years went…….it feels like yesterday I was writing Common Entrance Exams, frolicking at University of the West Indies, teaching at the Bethlehem Moravian College. It occurred to be too that my mom is over 70 years old, wow!!!! I wonder if she feels it flew by fast too? Does she have regrets? Is she living her best life yet? I feel blessed to have friends years older than me, they reassure me when I get scared that it will be okay- they remind me too to be kind to myself. Truth is, there are so many things I don’t have that I want; but I am consciously focusing on that which I do have, the glorious experiences and opportunities I have had and the beautiful and not so beautiful people I have met……….and you know what, I can honestly say its a lot to be grateful for.
Now as it regards my age, I am 38…….I dont know if this is what you feel at this age but I feel I am on the cusp of a whole lot of things. Lets see. I dont know if I look my age, I know I may sound my age, but I certainly dont feel like my age. That said, it doesn’t mean I dont have anxiety over lines and circles and crow’s feet. Again, I see how little control I have and know that change is inevitable. My responsibility thus is to keep regret to a minimum.